You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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