I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
