U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
