I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
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I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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