my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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