i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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