i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
its liver damage thursday
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
