Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
