Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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