Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
