so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
