Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
he was CRYING into my vagina
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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