whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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