You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
