he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
