I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
