every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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