I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
