It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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