im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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