The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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