ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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