He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
