I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
