I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
