I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
