I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
