Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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