True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
