His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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