that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
