Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
