At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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