Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize