It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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