i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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