I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize