and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
