How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your penis caused this!
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