Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
