Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize