Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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