Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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