I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
