when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
