I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
