I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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