Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
farters have to be the big spoon...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
