where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
