Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
