capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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