The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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