God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
