i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
