The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
