the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
