i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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