I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize