you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
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I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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