She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
