Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
