I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
not ubering you a puppy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
