i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
